‘My World’

An Excerpt from Hana Dubova’s Diary, November 19, 1940

“.. I have titled it “My World”… Now it’s mine, no matter who lived in here before and whoever will live in it after me, I don’t care. Sometimes it feels so cold and uninviting and damp, when the rain soaks through the walls all the way to my bed. But on Saturday, when I wash the doorstep, mop the floor and tidy everything up, I think that even a king has not such a beautiful bedroom… Next to the window on the left is my bed and a trunk behind the bed. A little table on the right with my little ornaments on it. The table has one compartment with books I am reading, newspapers, journal and a comb, behind a little curtain a bag for dirty clothes and other things. Next to it my satchel. Then a suitcase covered with an old blanket on which I sit no matter what I am doing. Next to the trunk a little table with a framed family photograph and a chair, then a cupboard on which there is a sewing kit, ointments, a flashlight and various knickknacks. Next to it pegs with work clothes and all that I wear… On the walls hang tikva magendavid - the Star of David, and a framed picture of Bezpravi. I am going to add pictures of parents and Peta. A heart hanging above the trunk, a magendavid from Peta, Moravian-Slovak bookmark, a towel stand and a mirror, on the other side a large stupid Danish picture above the trunk and a mirror above the little table. This is my room. My world where I rule. The world which I trust and confide in. These walls have seen so much, so much sorrow, so much joy. And the window? That’s the most beautiful part. Leaning out of it or sitting on the floor on in the window is the same here, looking out at night. Watching the stars. I cannot see the moon. It is true that not a single sunny ray ever wanders in here, nor the moonlight at night, but the stars, those I like best of all planets… Is it true that people’s destiny is written in the stars? What do they say about me? I don’t know. But I am not afraid! Even if it is no good, I have to face it… It is dark outside and in my window too. Then I turn back to the light of my room. My cozy room that contains me, comforts and soothes me. I know that you won’t disclose anything about me, my dear world. My impossible desires, my hot tears, my strange thoughts, my writing and letters torn into pieces. I know I can trust you. I can be safe with you, in you…”